


at seventeen.

by pintokroger



Category: Blues Brothers (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Heavy Angst, Suicide Attempt, elwood has adhd sorry boys, ventfic, yeah MAJOR warning for suicide attempt just wanna say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25565890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pintokroger/pseuds/pintokroger
Summary: "It isn't all it seemsAt seventeen"---Elwood hates high school. Really, he does. And he'd likely do anything to escape it.
Kudos: 17





	at seventeen.

**Author's Note:**

> LIKE I SAID IN THE TAGS!!! suicide tw. this is a vent fic soooo sorry lads if its poorly written

Freshman year was manageable, sophomore year… not so much. But junior year?

Well, consider Elwood a goner.

At the orphanage, during particularly dull classes (which, let’s be honest, were most of them), he would stare out the window and watch the cars pass by. It’s what began his fascination with vehicles, actually; by 5th grade, he went from memorizing classifications to license plates. It kept his mind active and, in turn, his thoughts cheerful.

But when high school rolled around, that all changed. No more window seat for Mr. Elwood Blues, nosirree. The distraction apparently ruined his performance, and therefore, his chances of success in professions he could care less about. In each class, they assigned him a front row seat on the other end of the classroom, with only dull walls and worn posters to stare at.

As if he even got the chance to look at those. Even the slightest sign of not giving the teacher his total attention, such as a tilt of his head or propping his chin on his palm, sent a ruler smacking the edge of the desk. Having grown up around rulers, it really hadn’t been the object that bothered him; no, it was the sound. A loud crack that sent trembles through his body, sitting as straight as an arrow in seconds flat. His heart pounded the rest of the class after that, and along with the need for another body movement, it felt like his own private hell.

Before freshman year, him and Jake would walk home together, chatting about the events of the day. But when Jake’s absences began to pile up, which therefore resulted in him dropping out, Elwood went on his own. He’d either practice his harmonica or hum along to whatever song had been trapped in his head, not bothering to fight back when a student walking nearby told him to “shut up”. If he grew bothered by such comments, he would have run from the orphanage a long time ago.

In bed one night, Elwood considered doing just that. Who would notice? Jake, Curtis, and the Penguin, but no one else really paid him any mind. They’d get over it quick, he repeated to himself, it’s just another orphan that couldn’t be “saved”. Even growing up surrounded by crosses, when high school came, he stopped believing in anything holy. If a God really did exist, Elwood certainly wasn’t his favorite.

“Hey, Jake?” Elwood tilted his head to the right, eyeing his older brother. “You up?

Ignoring the snores, he laid in silence, the response he longed for never arriving. Well, what did he expect? Jake had always been a deep sleeper, the only time he woke up without complaint was when Elwood cried over it. But that was a childish tactic, one he never found necessary at this age. He’d be an adult soon, he couldn’t rely on his brother forever.

So, when Elwood’s patience could last no longer, he rose from his bunk. He looked across the row of beds, each boy on them asleep in a state of bliss that Elwood could only fantasize about. He tossed the blanket back over Jake, who, with all of his movements, never failed to tear it off of himself, and slid open the window. As children, the pair would climb onto the rooftop and entertain each other with childish games until the sun rose above the city. Looking back at Jake, he came to realize one thing: they were children no longer.

Elwood soon found himself pacing across the edge of the roof, a balancing act he had mastered years ago. His gaze focusing on a flickering street lamp, he thought of how, in a strange way, it represented him- or, more importantly, his life. The wind could knock that street lamp the wrong way, and all light would vanish in an instant. And with one wrong step, the life of Elwood would be gone, too.

Maybe it wouldn’t have to be a “wrong” step. What if it was just a step? A conscious decision, but nevertheless a brash one, something even Elwood’s blurry mind could comprehend. That didn’t mean it was wrong, of course. Sometimes, those reckless choices were the best of all. Say if, right now, he fell over the ledge, what would happen? Would anyone mourn? Certainly the few he listed before, and perhaps some classmates after word got out to the school.

Not for long, though. No, they would forget. Like an orphan running off into the night, there came a point where not even their most beloved friends would miss them. Would Jake - his older brother, his confidant, his idol - do the same? The thought sent a chill down Elwood’s spine, and with his attention on the shiver, he only later noticed how close he stood to the edge.

There would be some cons to his untimely demise, he realized: like the band. Without Elwood, it would only be “The Blues Brother”, which didn’t particularly have a ring to it. Besides, he still longed to be a famed performer one day. No matter how down classes got him, he could always look forward to graduation, when him and Jake would make their way towards stardom. Frankly, it was the only thing that kept him from taking the leap months ago. He wasn’t quite so sure if it would do the same now.

Calumet City looked gorgeous this time of night, he recognized. Well, he had always known that, even as a scrappy young boy, with no concern for school-related troubles. Even the mere idea of his future was beyond him, excluding the obvious desire for musical success. The few minutes him and Jake weren’t fooling around, they would sit on this ledge and simply admire the lights of the city. In the day, it looked like a dump, but nights always seemed to bring out the best of things.

Well, maybe not so much people. Not Elwood, at least.

It could, however, bring something out of someone else, something neither would expect. The gentle melody of midnight came with a new sound: grunting. Elwood’s head snapped towards the noise, until his gaze settled on Jake, pulling himself onto the roof. He could practically hear the pounding of his own heart.

“I thought you were asleep,” He said. He just barely fought back the tremble in his voice, biting at his lip whenever he feared he may crack.

“Well, I  _ was _ , until some kid woke me up and told me you ran off,” Even with sunglasses shading his eyes, Elwood could feel the eye roll, “kinda stupid to book it in the middle of the night. And up here? Seriously? What, you got a death wish?”

Elwood spared a glance towards the ground below. Far enough to be fatal, he knew that. By the time Jake woke up the Penguin, or got an ambulance, he’d probably be too far gone. The fact relieved him, but, at the same moment, only spiked his concerns. If he knew it was foolproof, wouldn’t that increase his desire? His hands twitched, and only Jake’s voice could tear him from his thoughts.

“You’re awfully quiet, and that’s saying something,” He chuckled.

Silence. Not Elwood’s typical silence, one that only Jake could truly pick up on, but one that filled his mind with ideas far more sinister than he had pictured. Jake approached the younger boy, staring up at him from his perch on the ledge. This whole thing made him sick- and, believe me, Jake  _ hated _ being sick. 

His voice lowered, in a hushed tone that Elwood recalled from childhood. A tone that came out whenever a young Elwood couldn’t process a situation and broke down. He’d become overwhelmed, is what an expert would say, but these two boys were far from such a thing. Instead, they had no term for it; they simply dealt with the sudden feeling in their own way.

“Elwood,” Never had he heard Jake’s voice so serious, and honestly, it frightened him, “why are you up here?”

Elwood felt his entire body shake. In a moment, he found himself lifting his sunglasses to wipe the tears from his eyes. The only words he could get out were, “I’m so sorry, Jake.”

And before those intrusive thoughts became a reality, Jake grabbed onto Elwood’s free arm and yanked him in front of him. That’s what truly broke him. How could he be so pathetic as to consider something like that? Now he needed his brother to come save him, like always. That’s what it’d always be; Jake Blues and his crybaby sibling.

“I’m an idiot,” He said, and the lack of words soon turned to an almost overflow of speech, one he could hardly control, “I should’ve known this was irrational- god, I  _ did _ know, that’s the worst part- I was just too fucking stupid to think of it. You don’t deserve to deal with someone like me, Jake. I’ve always just been some dead weight you have to carry around.”

The moment Elwood couldn’t find what else to say, Jake took the lead. “Are you  _ kidding? _ You’re not some dead weight, you’re my  _ brother _ . A brother I swore to protect and, if you were really gonna do something like that, it looks like I failed. The day I don’t wanna put up with you is the day I die. You’re not a goddamn idiot. Jesus, if anything, I am. I should’ve noticed-”

“How were you supposed to know when even I didn’t? I still wanna live, and be with you, and have the  _ band _ , not just jump off some roof at seventeen! But I don’t- I don’t know if I  _ can _ .”

Jake had never, in his  _ life _ , been an affectionate person. If anything, he liked to keep physical contact to a minimum. So Elwood could have sworn he had already died when he was pulled into a hug. His arms stayed at his side for a while, shaking, just like he had. But soon, he returned the embrace, bursting into sobs that even his worst breakdowns couldn’t compare to.

Then, the oddest thing of all occurred: Jake cried, too. They stood, together, on the roof, weeping like children as they held onto each other. Painful as the previous events had been, it’s a day Elwood chose to never forget.

“I don’t wanna leave,” Came Elwood’s voice, “I love you, Jake.”

And, after a minute passed, Jake replied, “I love you, too, Elwood.”


End file.
